Discovering the Self: part 1

Who am I?

It seems like such an inane question. As well as that, some would say, that to dwell on it too much would make one self-absorbed.

The reality is that you could investigate yourself for a thousand years and still have questions. But to never investigate yourself, to never question the whys and wherefores, is just as foolish, in my opinion.

Most people actually live their lives on auto-pilot, with all their decisions (yes, even the ‘well thought out ones’) driven by their subconscious.

And before they know it they are 45 and working as a music teacher, wondering how they ever got there when all they ever wanted to do was write a book, so they do an art therapy course because it feels cheaper than going to see a psychologist for the amount of time they would probably need to, to unravel all the bollox that is their brain, only to discover that art therapy is rather helpful and decide everyone should know about it, thus taking it on as a new career and setting it in stone.

Yes – in there somewhere, they carve out time to write a book… just in case you were wondering.

No, they haven’t finished it.

You might be pleased to know that there is a happy medium somewhere between complete self-absorption and changing your entire career!

The Self part of the brain develops over a long time. It begins at the beginning and ends at the end. We are actually many ‘selfs’ on the way to being the ‘us’ we are, lying on our death beds, hopefully surrounded by loved ones, with Nana Mouskouri playing gently in the background (for example and hypothetically speaking of course …).

Despite the knowledge of this and the fight against accidentally becoming a 45 year old music teacher, one can never be completely sure that the magical subconscious brain isn’t still calling some shots, because we don’t really understand what it even is yet!

Not completely.

But it has been my observation that it is worth a jolly, red-hot crack!

So crack on we shall.

When we are born, we are completely vulnerable. Utterly dependant on our caregivers to keep us alive and soothed. Our brains are like desiccated mushrooms – absorbing twice their size and many times their weight in observations and learnings. By the time we are 6 or 7, most of us have all the information we need to guarantee survival with those ‘others’ in our closest community – those being our parents, our peers and siblings and our teachers (or other common adults if we are homeschooled).

For little Johnny, this means a developed skill of never complaining.

For wee Janey, this means she will always help the teacher set up and pack down the room, regardless of the fact she might prefer to go and play.

And for small Shinrod, well they will always pick the fight first – always. Even when there isn’t a fight to pick.

These skills and habits (and obviously many more) are the things that keep them safe and keep them approved of by their ‘village’. If they keep up these habits, beliefs and practices, they won’t be 'put out in the cold' as their ancient brain suggests they might.

Some of these skills and beliefs are fantastic – truly helpful. And some of them are, in actual fact, harmful in the long term.

But they’re not thinking about it, Johnny, Janey and Shinrod. It’s not conscious. It’s as normal as breathing.

When little Johnny is 35, his partner walks all over him.

When wee Janey is 28, she has an autoimmune disease for ‘no reason’.

When little Shinrod is headed to 30, they sit and wonder why they can’t hold down a job and everyone around them are assholes.

Why do you like music?

Why was teaching the career choice?

Why are you a vegetarian?

Why do you say no first?

Why are you never home and always out?

Why are you always home and never out?

It’s rarely because you truly decided to.

Over the next three months, we will be delving into the questions that can help us make a conscious decision about who we want to be in this crazy world. Well, as much as we can, anyway!

These blogs and the activities that go with them can be delved into and explored in more depth in a one to one course I will be running in 2027, called Learning To Drive Backwards. If you’re interested, keep your eyes peeled on my website for 2027 Updates.

Now, why not jump over to the newsletter and have a go at a first step toward using art to begin some self-discovery?